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Okay, not much going on here, just too much damn liquor drinking! Although I did stay more or less on my diet this week and lost six pounds. I just wish I'd been a sensible eater years ago so I wouldn't have to do this now. Cause tomorrow morning, for example, I get to eat 1 oz cheese, 1/2 an orange, a slice of bread, and a protein drink. Hell.

I uh, got in a fight at the IHOP yesterday morning because I was so hungry. I also had done whiskey shots the night before, and of course I've barely eaten in a week. There were all these people standing around waiting for tables and no one taking a list. Then some people walked in after me and finally someone told them to add their names to the list. And I have no recollection of this, but evidently (according to my mother) I yelled out, "God dammit there's a party of ten and a party of three ahead of you!" And the woman signing the list (who I evidently felt was breaking in line) yelled at me, "What's your name, I'll add it to the list!" And I couldn't understand why this woman was yelling at me, cause I thought I was yelling at the employee behind the counter. But instead my mom, my friend and I tried to leave calmly without saying anything else and this other woman blocked my way and said, "You were the one who got mad!" So I said, "Fuck you, lady" (this part I remember cause I honestly couldn't understand why she wouldn't let me just walk out unmolested) and all of a sudden some other woman (I never turned around to look at her) followed me out of the restaurant screaming, "You don't talk to my mother that way! I'll knock you to the ground!" But I just said, "What is this, Harlem?" and got in the car. Then I went to TGI Fridays and felt very guilty eating mixed greens with balsamic dressing and a roasted veggie and goat cheese sandwich and I cried and took Tylenol saying, "I haven't eaten for a week!" I mean, I guess that's how people get killed. I really don't remember the part where I started the argument, my hand to God. But if someone told me fuck you, I'd just figure they were an asshole and go on. It wouldn't make me need to defend mine or someone else's honor. But if I live I'm gonna be a size ten in September.

Last night at work the sweet boy was looking up "engine" on a search engine, as in car engine, and he had to ask me three or four times how to spell it. I said, "Are you fuckin with me?" and he said, "No, I'm just retarded. " And I said, "As long as you know how to work on them, you don't have to spell it." Then I thought that might have been snotty although I meant it in the opposite way, so I mumbled something about 13 different kinds of intelligences.

The romantic parts of the new Star Wars movie are REALLY embarassing. I loved seeing a young Yoda kicking some ass though. There should have been more administration of beatdowns and less shmaltz. And is Yoda's syntax based on Yiddish, or some Asian language? Tell Lucas to call me.

I realized during the Scorpion King last week that Hollywood must make these movies super super mega stupid so that the average person will go see them and believe him/herself to be a genius cause they figure out what's gonna happen next. So what they're really selling is false, but high, self esteem.

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