Latest
Older
About me
Guestbook
Email me
Get Yours

I think the stork made a mistake when he shipped me to the United States. I think I was supposed to be delivered to Denmark, but the stork got drunk and effed it up. I saw my new favorite movie, Mifune, Friday night. I have been obsessed for quite awhile with the idea of continuous twilight, and they have some there. Also I read they are a nation of social phobes. I've always thought I was not weird, its just that I'm the wrong place. I thought I'd found the right place in Athens, like I'd been wearing a bee suit and all of a sudden I found a meadow full of people in bee suits. But I was just tripping.

I wonder if the plural of "dominatrix" is "dominatrices".

A young man I met here on diaryland informed me that procrastination is just like masturbation in that you are fucking yourself in both instances. I've decided it should be called "procrastibation" therefore. I am procrastibating right now when I should be studying.

I found my senior yearbook today. Everyone looks like a baby in it. Also I found a letter E. wrote me from college when we were college freshmen. So I used it as an excuse to write him a somewhat long e-mail as he's out of town and incommunicado. I told him I miss him, but not to tell anyone because it would betray my cool exterior.

I've spent a lot of time covering up my emotions; it started back in school when I was bullied. I thought if people couldn't tell they were hurting me they would have no power over me. Now I don't want people to know when I love them because it will give them power over me. No one, not even me, ever knows how I feel. This is why I attract emotionally unavailable men (and women). I make them feel safe. People come to me when someone else has hurt them and I somehow make them better. I don't know why, I'm a somewhat sarcastic person. My therapist asked, "Well, would you rather keep breaking their wings over and over?" No, I want them to have the power to fly but to choose to stay. Ideally, though, I'd like to meet someone like me who has had the standard series of relationships that didn't work out but nothing catastrophic. Seems my only baggage is that I know a lot of people who have baggage. I'm a magnet for people who have baggage. What I need to do is strengthen my heart chakra. Then I could help people without getting involved, or maybe not try to help them at all.

previous - next