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I've been thinking a little about love, and I've decided it must be a tripod. I know sex is one leg and friendship is another, but I have no idea what the third is. I think maybe its a part of me that's missing. I think some people think the third component is conflict and resolution. Trying to impose their wills on each other, getting into power struggles. Maybe it actually is the idea that the relationship is more than just for fun. Maybe helping someone through hard times is what makes the relationship steady and lasting. I fear I will never have one of these relationships.

I sometimes wonder if I am dreaming, things are so strange since E. came back into my life. I also wonder sometimes if I am a succubus instead of a woman. A little of a man's attention is never enough. And I hate when I feel that way. I mean, I am having a GREAT time right now. I've learned how to bowl, and play backgammon and Magic, and re-thought some of my personal boundaries. So what am I worried about? This beautiful person is giving me the majority of his attention and I have nothing to complain about. I'm trying to be cool but I really like him a lot, its just that we can't know what will happen at this point.

All day I thought I was depressed but really I was just worried about a test I thought we were having tonight. When I got to class and found out it is next Monday I got happy and even paid attention in class. So much for my sense of unnamable dread. Oh, and two more of my old friends have contacted me since I wrote last.

I think I'm gonna write a horror movie based on this town and the big haunted mansion downtown. I'd like the mansion to be filmed as though it were out in the country though. I'm picturing a murderous woman running around at night in a long white gown. Very southern gothic. I think it should include crazy sisters and a succubus. I'll bet I could even film it around here using high school drama students. We have a real creepy cemetery too. I need to channel my morbid imagination or I will be the crazy one.

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