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I don't know what to say, but I feel pressured (by myself) to update because I'm advertising this thing.

I just ate a portabello mushroom sandwich. I wonder if mushrooms have any nutritional value, and if so, are they protein or carb?

I wonder what it is that makes weirdness happen between friends after you sleep together? Tomorrow I'm going to try and "work it out" again with a girlfriend; our friendship has not been the same since that one drunken night almost three years ago. Actually, we've fought and made up a million times since we met when I was three (she pushed me into the pool at swimming lessons) but this is the worst. However, when her brother died last week, I wanted to call her and couldn't because she and her husband aren't speaking to me. And I don't like being this petty. If any good ever comes out of a death, it should be to teach people to appreciate life while they have it. Plus, E. is her roommate and I spend most of my free time with him so how can I keep on having weirdness? He just makes me want to be a kinder person.

My last boyfriend hated me so much, for no reason I can discern, that I just keep expecting E. to look over at me one drunken night and get in my face and say "I hate you. I hate you" over and over like C. did. And then try to rape me and then pass out. This is absurd because E is an infinitely nicer person, we don't get that effing drunk, and rhetoric as you know demands three reasons so let's say, well, when you've known someone for 20 years you can predict to an extent what they will or won't do. But I still have this crippling irrational fear. Honestly, I expect eveyone to out of the blue scream at me, say they hate me, call me a liar, physically hurt me, and then act like it didn't happen. All because of some asshole I only lived with a year! And he's been gone six months! This is what's on my mind today.

Now I'm gonna go spend the night with S and O in their little country ass town, come back and rid myself of most of the shitty free furniture I collected over the years, Sunday spend a day with a lovely new friend (yay! no old baggage from St Marys Elementary or Camden County High School or Papa John's of Athens) and Monday head up to north Georgia for a few days of my spring break.

There is nothing at all wrong with my life. So why do I try to invent problems?

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