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2002-02-28 - 1:24 p.m.|Nothing to see here, move along What's new with me? I have been learning to play backgammon the last couple of nights. It mostly consists of me making ill-advised moves and E.L. telling me what I should've done. I could learn better if we weren't drinking each time. I don't know what else to say. I think I'm becoming dull. I always feel bad when I don't have a job, even though my business is technically a job. It doesn't take up enough of my time to count, and school has provided a light load this semester. The talkers were quiet last night; I helped White Ebonics Girl with the microscope lab. Just call me Saint Groove. I felt very magnanimous and like I was rewarding her for her good behavior. I went to get on Morpheus for the first time last night and it was shut down. I just can't keep up with all the crap surrounding computers. I have been using it is a means of communication and information since roughly 1992 (anyone remember ISCA?) and have learned next to nothing. About computers. I've learned loads about other people. Always when I'm going through a lonely period in my life, the online community has been there for me. I've been a heavy computer user for about six months. Before that it had been years since I'd used it a lot. Something weird here in Mayberry, we have a revolving door of old friends. I always have only one here, returned from wherever, usually in disgrace. I know E won't stay long, I can feel it so its like hanging out is this experience happening out of time. Like a dream I'm having. I'm gonna start spending more time sober so I'll remember more of it. I mean, this is me we're talking about, so two or three drinks is all I can handle, but its enough. I'd broken my mom of the habit of waking me up before she goes to work at six fucking thirty in the morning and she was content with leaving little notes stuck to the bathroom mirror. But the last few days she's been coming in and waking my angry ass up and I just know she's seeing if he's in there asleep with me. Nosey cow. I really need to get my own place in another town, even if it takes being destitute. But we haven't slept together and I don't think we will. Its like we're somehow beyond that. It feels like the affection between me and my exes that I'm still friends with (especially the ex-gf), only we've never even so much as kissed. Speaking of my exes, ex-bf #2 sent me a cc of a series of messages betwixt him and ex-bf #1 regarding their respective weddings. Its not everyday THAT shows up in the inbox. Oh, and somehow I'll have to explain my family tree, or how one person led to another. Such as why #2 ex knows #1 ex AND ex-gf. But I don't feel like typing about it now. Friends really are more important and long-lasting than lovers.
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