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I measure my material wealth by how many products I can afford at the health food store. And I can tell you, this two jobs thing is working out quite well, cause I bought 40 organically grown tampons for a whopping $10 yesterday. I guess you could say the natural health industry has a way of bleeding me dry.

Why do I keep making all these terrible jokes in here? Anyway, I used to be confused about why organic food and cotton were so expensive. Shouldn't it be cheaper to put less chemicals into production? And then I figured it out. Organic farming is more labor intensive. I had a small organic garden, and I spent a lot of time picking bugs off those plants. And that's all money represents, in its best sense: energy. I spent enough time working to be able to trade my energy for those tampons. Think how long I'd have had to work to grow the cotton and get all the bugs off of it and pick it and all that other stuff. Certainly it would have taken me more than a month, and at some point in that time I would've been up the creek with no paddle and a leak in the boat. And no cork.

I was shopping at Publix one time cause we don't have a Kroger and I bought some organic broccoli. And the cashier said, "That broccoli's really good! You can't even tell its organic." She thought it was like diet coke or Snackwell's or something.

I had a younger friend who used to really gross me out by saying he was gonna go "drop the kids off at the pool" whenever he went into the bathroom. I decided to try to disgust him, too. So one day when he came out I told him I needed him to go buy me some tampons at CVS. I told him to get super absorbency cause my uterus had a lot of sloughing to do. And do you know that fool didn't even bat an eye, he said he's never heard the word "sloughing" and could I spell it for him? He wrote it down on his hand. Then a customer (we were at work) came up to the counter and asked me if there were any other ways to use the word "sloughing" in a sentence. These guys.

I'd just like to take one more moment of your time to talk about how great the band Fountains of Wayne is. Their second album has a song called "Hat and Feet" that I've been listening to and singing over and over. I liked the sound of it, then I realized what it was about. My favorite cartoon effect! When the guy gets hit on the head with something heavy and walks away all flat. Its funny every time!

Oh, and by the way, all of you younger readers should go out and buy a Pixies album right now. Right fucking now I said! (You bunch of Creed-listening-sons-of-bitches.)

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