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Okay, how about some expressions I'd like to hear more often?

I heard this one on the radio today. "The cops at the accident scene looked like they'd been sucking oatmeal through a gas pipe!" Translation: they looked pissed off.

My ex used to say this: "What in the hell God named a horse's ass are you doing?" This means, what are you doing?

Here's another, uttered by either Janeane Garofalo or Parker Posey in a movie. "You're giving me nothing but shake and seeds." Translation: you're lying or not telling the whole story.

And finally: "Its gonna be a three-legged race to the hospital to get my foot out of your ass!" Pretty self-explanatory, that one.

Speaking of my ex, I had a dream last night about him (surprise!) He had shit himself, the wall, and the chair in a gravity-defying pile because he was so drunk and punk and I said I was leaving.

He said, that's okay, you can clean up the shit later. I said, I'm not cleaning it up, you are. When I tried to leave, he ran after me (unlikely, considering how drunk he must have been) and was choking me. I flagged down a passing cop for help (how convenient) and woke up. Actually, I think it was just a white car passing and I turned it into a cop. Sometimes I can change my dreams like that. Everyone knows that if your bf is choking you, a cop is gonna be the last person to drive by.

But to make a long story short (too late!) I figured out what this one meant. See, Clay blamed me for not being able to make his life better, when it was him making his life unhappy. So I don't have to wonder why he stopped loving me anymore. He was too unhappy, and I couldn't help him because you're not supposed to be able to make someone happy. But he still blamed me and he'll go on looking for the next person and the next to clean up his shit. Conversely, I can't find anyone to make me happy either. Just figured out that part right then. So hopefully, I won't dream about him anymore.

Sorry about this entry, but this is in fact a diary.

Love, Kittyhead

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